Stress Words And Body Language

Words Matter!

Common Words and Phrases That Indicate Other-Dependent Esteem can be both blatant and subtle.

They can even be a tip-off to recognize your normalized stressed and an opportunity to avoid it.

Common words and phrases can often suggest a person has normalized stress.

Normalized stress that is based upon other-dependent esteem refers to esteem that is influenced by external validation, approval, comparisons with others, and more.

Other-dependent esteem is unstable and can fluctuate between high and low, which is otherwise referred to as high self-esteem and  low self-esteem. It is based on the feedback received from the outside world, often leaving individuals experiencing normalized stress caused by feeling inadequate or anxious when they do not meet certain expectations.

Below are words, phrases and visible body language that will help you identify normalized stress based upon other-dependent esteem in yourself and others...

Words Reflect Uncertainty And Insecurity

Commonly used words such as try, wish, hope, and others can indicate other-dependent esteem.

They often reveal an underlying dependence on others for validation and approval due to an inner sense of not being good enough.

The use of these words, more often than not, reflects uncertainty, insecurity, and a reliance on external factors that determines the way we feel about ourselves.

Here’s why each of these words can indicate other-dependent esteem and lead to normalized stress:

  • Try: Saying “I’ll try” often suggests doubt about one's own abilities or a fear of failure. It conveys a lack of confidence and an underlying need for approval. Rather than confidently stating “I will,” the individual hedges their commitment, which may stem from fear of judgment if they don’t succeed. Plus, it is often used as a way to avoid any disapproval that might result from saying "no."
  • Wish: “I wish” expresses a desire for things to be different as if the individual is waiting for circumstances or people to change. This reliance on external factors for things to change indicates a sense of powerlessness, common in those whose esteem is tied to outside approval.
  • Hope: While hope can be positive in certain situations, in the context of other-dependent esteem, it reflects uncertainty or a lack of belief in one’s ability to influence outcomes. Statements like “I hope they like me” or "I hope I you like what I did" reveal a reliance on others’ approval to feel good about oneself.
  • Maybe: “Maybe” conveys indecisiveness or reluctance to commit, which can stem from fear of judgment or failure. The individual may be waiting for others’ opinions or approval before feeling confident enough to make a firm decision.
  • Might: Like “maybe,” “might” signals uncertainty and hesitation. It often reflects self-doubt and a lack of belief in one’s abilities, influenced by concerns about what others may think or how they might react.
  • Likely: Like “might” or “maybe,” “likely” introduces uncertainty. It reflects a conditional outlook where the individual is waiting on outside factors to confirm or deny their worth, capabilities, or success.
  • Usually: “Usually” can imply a pattern of behavior based on past external experiences. For example, “I usually do what they want” suggests a habit of conforming to others’ expectations, indicating that the individual’s esteem id dependent on pleasing or satisfying others.

Esteem Is Not Internally Anchored

Yes, there are more common words that indicate other-dependent esteem based normalized stress... 

When any of these words are used frequently, they almost always signal that a person’s esteem is not internally anchored. Instead it is dependent on how others react to or validate them.

  • Worried: “I’m worried” expresses anxiety about how others will react or perceive them. This emotional state is often rooted in a fear of rejection, disapproval, or criticism, showing that the individual’s sense of self is tied to external opinions.
  • Confused: Frequently saying “I’m confused” can suggest an over-reliance on others for guidance or decision-making. It reflects a lack of trust in one’s own judgment, which often stems from other-dependent esteem and a need for validation or reassurance from others. It is often used to avoid taking responsibility for someone or something such as "How can I be responsible for the way that turns out when I am confused about it?"
  • Can’t: Saying “I can’t” reflects a limitation the person sees in themselves, often based on external factors or past feedback. It can be a way of avoiding situations where they fear failure or judgment, showing that their esteem is fragile and dependent on avoiding disapproval from others. Additionally, "I can't" almost always means "I won't." In this context, it allows the individual to save face and avoid disapproval by stating "I can't" instead of "I won't."
  • Need: Saying “I need” often reflects dependency on others for emotional security, happiness, or validation. For instance, “I need them to tell me I’m doing well” or "I need them to need me" shows that the individual does not recognize their inner value and relies on external approval or feedback to be okay.
  • Problem: Using the word “problem” frequently, especially when self-directed (e.g., “The problem with me is...”), often indicates self-doubt and self-criticism. It reflects a belief that something is wrong with the individual, which often results from external comparisons or negative feedback. Additionally, when we refer to a anyone or anything as a problem, according to the law of attraction. we attract more of the same to us.
  • Because: The word “because” is often used to justify a choice or behavior, which can be a sign of seeking approval by defending actions in response to external judgment. For example, “I didn’t do it because I wasn’t sure they’d like it” shows that the person’s decision is based on external expectations rather than their own values.
  • Sorry: Over-apologizing by saying "I'm sorry" especially when unwarranted, is a strong indicator of other-dependent esteem. It reflects a fear of disapproval or rejection and a tendency to make themselves responsible for others’ reactions or emotions, often at the expense of one’s own sense of worth.

Keep Going...There's More

Common phrases that often indicate other-dependent esteem based normalized stress.

These phrases can subtly or blatantly reveal a person’s reliance on external validation for their esteem. 

Here’s why each phrase suggests other-dependent esteem based normalized stress:

  • "Anyone can do it" This phrase minimizes one’s own abilities or achievements, often reflecting a reluctance to accept credit for fear of seeming arrogant. It implies that the speaker doesn’t see their value or unique contributions, relying on external validation to affirm their worth.
  • "I can’t complain" This phrase is often used to downplay one’s own feelings or needs, implying that they aren’t important enough to be voiced. It reflects a concern with not inconveniencing others or appearing ungrateful, suggesting their esteem is tied to keeping the peace and avoiding judgment.
  • "I’m no one special" This phrase suggests a lack of esteem or a belief that one's value is insignificant. It reflects humility in a way that negatively downplays individual uniqueness and strengths, indicating a reliance on external sources for validation or recognition.
  • "It was nothing special" This phrase diminishes personal achievements or efforts, reflecting discomfort with receiving praise. It shows a fear of standing out or being judged for appearing “too confident,” and suggests the speaker feels more secure when their value is overlooked or minimized.
  • "My bad" This casual apology may seem harmless in spite of reflecting an excessive readiness to take the blame or admit fault, often to avoid potential criticism. It indicates a fear of disapproval and a desire to maintain harmony, even at the cost of self-worth.
  • "No problem" While this phrase is often meant to show willingness to help, it negatively downplays one’s own efforts or contributions. Saying “no problem” can indicate a need to appear easygoing or agreeable to avoid burdening others, suggesting self-worth is tied to pleasing others.
  • "No worries" Like “no problem,” this phrase is often used to soothe or avoid conflict, reflecting a need to maintain peace or avoid making waves. It indicates a concern with how others perceive them, often ignoring their own worthiness to avoid judgment.

Common Thread Of Apologizing Or Boasting

Here Are More Phrases that reveal varying degrees of self-doubt, hesitation, or overcompensation through self-praise, all of which point to a reliance on others for their esteem. and are normalized stress producers.

Whether minimizing achievements, apologizing excessively, or boasting, the common thread is that the individual’s sense of value is dependent on how they think others see them.

Recognizing these patterns allows individuals to work toward building self-dependent esteem that is not reliant on external validation and leads to the ability to avoid stress.

  • "Not bad" When used to describe personal achievements or feelings, “not bad” can indicate an unwillingness to fully embrace or acknowledge success. It reflects a hesitancy to claim positive outcomes, perhaps due to fear of judgment or a belief that external approval is needed to validate their success.
  • "That was nothing" This phrase dismisses personal accomplishments, indicating discomfort with recognition or praise. It suggests the speaker’s esteem is not self-dependent and depends on deflecting attention or minimizing their achievements to avoid potential criticism or rejection.
  • "I won’t be able to" This phrase signals self-doubt and a lack of confidence in one’s abilities. The speaker claims failure or inadequacy up-front to manage others' expectations or avoid judgment, showing that their other-dependent esteem is driven by fear of disappointing others.
  • "I suspect" This phrase conveys uncertainty or hesitation, often reflecting a lack of confidence in one’s own judgment. The speaker may feel the need for external confirmation or validation before fully committing to a statement or belief, indicating other-dependent esteem.
  • "Look at how great I am" This overtly boastful statement may seem like confidence, but it often masks insecurity. Excessive self-praise can indicate a deep need for external validation and approval, where the individual’s self-worth depends on how much recognition or admiration they receive from others.
  • "I am the greatest" Like "look at how great I am," this declaration of superiority often hides insecurity. The person may be seeking constant reassurance from others to feel validated, relying on external praise to maintain their sense of self-worth.
  • "No one could do it any better than me" This phrase reflects a need to be seen as the best in order to feel valuable. The speaker may be measuring their worth against others and seeking to prove their superiority, suggesting that their esteem is dependent on external recognition and comparisons.

No Self Esteem

There's still a couple more...


By recognizing these patterns in yourself and others, you can begin to learn how to avoid stress for yourself as you develop self-dependent esteem.

  • "I think" While this phrase can be neutral, it can also suggest uncertainty or a lack of confidence in one’s own opinions. The speaker may feel the need to soften their statements to avoid judgment or criticism, showing that their esteem is tied to how others react to their thoughts.
  • "I feel" While expressing emotions is healthy, overusing phrases like “I feel” can indicate hesitation or a desire for others to validate one’s feelings. The speaker may rely on external confirmation to feel secure in their emotional experiences, reflecting other-dependent esteem.

Unstable Esteem

Other-dependent esteem is unstable and can fluctuate based on the feedback received from the outside world, often leaving individuals feeling inadequate or anxious and totally stressed if they do not meet certain expectations.

Below are common phrases that suggest a person is stressed to the max because their esteem is dependent on others' opinions:

  • "Do you think I did okay?" This question reflects a need for reassurance and approval from others, indicating that the person’s confidence in their performance hinges on external validation.
  • "I hope they like me." Expresses concern over whether one is accepted or approved by others, showing a reliance on external acceptance for their esteem.
  • "I’m nothing without them." A direct indication of esteem being tied to another person, suggesting that the individual feels incomplete or unworthy without the approval or presence of someone else.
  • "I need to be perfect so people will like me." Perfectionism, driven by fear of rejection or judgment, is a strong indicator of other-dependent esteem. The person feels they must meet an ideal standard to gain acceptance.
  • "What will people think?" This phrase shows concern over others' opinions and often precedes decisions that are influenced by the fear of being judged or rejected.
  • "I don't want to disappoint them." While caring about others’ feelings is natural, constantly worrying about disappointing others suggests one's esteem is being defined by meeting external expectations.
  • "I’m just not as good as them." Comparing oneself to others is a hallmark of other-dependent esteem. This phrase indicates that one's worthiness is determined by how the individual measures up to others’ achievements or qualities.

Judging Self And Others

When people rely on external factors to determine their esteem, they often experience a range of negative emotions, such as anxiety, self-doubt, and a fear of failure or rejection, and above all stress.

These common phrases can be used as signals to identify individuals whose stress is based upon esteem that comes from the opinions of others.

  • "I’ll never be as successful/attractive/talented as they are." Here, the individual places their self-esteem on a comparative scale, where others' perceived success diminishes their own value.
  • "I need them to tell me I’m doing well." This statement reflects a dependency on praise or validation from others to feel competent or successful.
  • "I don’t feel good about myself unless they compliment me." Suggests that positive reinforcement from others is necessary for the person to feel valuable or confident.
  • "I can't make a decision without their approval." A sign of lacking confidence in one’s own judgment, showing that the individual’s esteem is tied to someone else’s opinions or decisions.
  • "I always try to please everyone." People-pleasing is a common behavior in individuals with other-dependent esteem, where their worth is based on how satisfied others are with them.
  • "They didn’t say anything, so I must have done something wrong." Reading into others’ silence or lack of feedback as negative suggests that the person’s self-esteem is tied to constant external affirmation.

Visible Indications Of Other-Dependent Esteem

These visible behaviors—ranging from fidgetiness to manipulation—can signal an individual’s reliance on external validation to define their sense of worth, and the presence of stress.

Below is an analysis of why each of these visible indications of other-dependent esteem reflects a dependence on others for their esteem and creates a stress response:

  • Checks out the lay of the land: This behavior reflects a need to assess the social environment to adapt and fit in, showing uncertainty about how to act without external cues or approval.
  • Fidgety: Fidgeting is often a sign of anxiety or nervousness, typically arising from fear of judgment or rejection. It shows discomfort with oneself or the social situation, indicating a need for reassurance.
  • Creates confrontations: Confrontation can be a way of asserting control when one feels insecure or unworthy. By dominating others, they seek to validate their power or importance in the situation.
  • Bargains: Constant bargaining is a way to negotiate for approval, acknowledgment, or attention. It indicates a belief that one’s esteem is conditional and must be earned through external validation.
  • Manipulation: Manipulative behavior is a strategy for controlling others’ perceptions. Those with other-dependent esteem may feel they need to manage others’ opinions of them to maintain their self-worth.
  • Controlling of others or the situation: Controlling behavior stems from fear of unpredictability or rejection. By managing the situation, they attempt to ensure others' responses align with their need for validation.
  • Very possessive of people: Possessiveness shows insecurity and fear of losing people’s affection or approval. It reflects a dependence on relationships to validate their self-worth.

Gain Approval And Avoid Criticism

People with other-dependent esteem based stress often engage in actions designed to gain approval, avoid criticism, and/or deflect attention from their insecurities.

  • Quickly gets the focus off themselves and on to someone else: This behavior reflects discomfort with being the center of attention, often due to fear of judgment or inadequacy. Shifting focus allows them to avoid scrutiny or potential criticism.
  • Quickly turns the conversation to themselves: This is the opposite of the above behavior, showing a deep need for attention and validation. By making conversations about themselves, they seek reassurance of their worth.
  • Needs the conversation to be about “me, me, me”: Constantly making conversations about themselves is a sign of seeking external validation to confirm their importance or value.
  • One-ups with “mine is better/worse than yours”: This behavior reflects a competitive need for recognition or sympathy, depending on whether they’re claiming superiority or victimhood. They derive self-worth by comparing themselves to others.
  • Becomes defensive: Defensiveness often stems from a fear of being criticized or rejected. It shows that the individual’s sense of self is fragile and easily threatened by negative feedback.
  • Victimizes themselves with “poor me”: Playing the victim is a strategy to gain sympathy and attention. This behavior suggests their esteem depends on others’ pity or concern.
  • Criticizes themselves and others: Criticism is often a projection of insecurity. By criticizing others, they deflect attention from their own perceived inadequacies, while self-criticism shows that they internalize external judgment.

Visible Indication of Other-Dependent Esteem

Visible Indications of Other-Dependent Esteem Based Stress.

These behaviors, whether obvious or hard to detect, are tied to how individuals see themselves in relation to others.

  • Judgmental of themselves and others: Judgmental behavior reflects deep-seated insecurities. People judge others to elevate their own status, or judge themselves harshly due to fear of external criticism. People judge others to the extent they judge themselves.
  • Difficulty saying no: People-pleasing, or difficulty saying no, stems from a fear of rejection or disapproval. They may feel their worth depends on keeping others happy, even at personal cost.
  • Difficulty saying yes: Difficulty saying yes can reflect fear of failure or judgment. The individual may avoid commitment to protect themselves from criticism if they don’t meet expectations.
  • Angry: Anger can mask feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. When others don’t meet their expectations or give them the validation they seek, they may lash out to assert control or superiority. People are never angry for the reason they think. All anger is self-anger.
  • Negative speaking: Constant negativity often reveals a mindset focused on external failures or disappointments. It reflects low self-worth, where the individual may rely on external circumstances to determine their mood or esteem.
  • Takes great care to present their profile photo on Facebook looking for validation: Carefully curating a social media image shows a strong desire for external validation. The individual may tie their esteem to how many likes or compliments they receive.
  • Frequently posts a new profile photo: Constantly updating profile photos suggests a craving for attention and approval. The person may rely on frequent external feedback to feel valued or accepted.

Strong Reliance On Others For Esteem

These behaviors reveal a strong reliance on others for esteem, often stemming from insecurity, fear of judgment, or a need for approval, and producing an Imaginary Tiger Stress Response.

  • Needs to know everything about everything and everyone: This behavior often reflects insecurity. By gathering information, they try to control the social environment and avoid being caught off guard, which may expose their vulnerabilities.
  • Complaining: Complaining frequently is a way to seek attention and sympathy. It signals that the person’s esteem may be contingent on how much care or support they receive from others. Complainers are angry people.
  • Blaming: Blaming others deflects responsibility and shields the individual from criticism. It suggests that their sense of worth is threatened by failure or mistakes, which they avoid by shifting fault.
  • Personalizing: Taking everything personally shows an over-reliance on external feedback. The person is highly sensitive to others’ actions or words, which they interpret as reflections of their own worth.
  • Attention seeking: Seeking constant attention is a sign of needing external validation to feel valued. Without attention, they may feel invisible or unimportant.
  • Deflects: Deflecting attention or responsibility suggests insecurity. The individual avoids facing their own shortcomings or receiving criticism by shifting focus away from themselves.
  • Doesn't trust own opinion: Lack of trust in one’s own opinion shows that the individual depends on others to confirm their beliefs or decisions, reflecting low self-confidence.

Non-Verbal Gestures

Non-verbal gestures of indifference or uncertainty reflects a reluctance to express personal opinions and is a visible indication of other-dependent esteem based stress.

  • Shrugs shoulders: This non-verbal gesture of indifference or uncertainty reflects a reluctance to express personal opinions or take a stand, likely due to fear of judgment.
  • Says “I don’t know” or “I never thought about it” or “what do you think?” a lot: Frequently seeking others' opinions or avoiding taking a stance suggests a fear of judgment. They look to others for approval, rather than relying on their own thoughts.
  • Waits/holds back to see what your favorite color, song, etc., is before divulging theirs: Hesitating to share their own preferences suggests they want to conform to others’ likes to gain acceptance, showing that their esteem depends on aligning with others.
  • Goes with the latest fads instead of their own favorites: Following trends reflects a desire to fit in or gain approval. The individual may lack confidence in their own preferences, relying instead on external influences to guide their choices.
  • Never makes a choice: Inability to make decisions reflects a lack of confidence in one’s own judgment and a fear of being wrong or judged. They often defer to others to avoid responsibility. They may even ask you to choose for them.
  • Needs to be recognized: Constantly seeking recognition reflects a deep need for external validation. Their sense of self-worth may rely on being acknowledged or praised by others.
  • Envious of others who seem to have it all: Envy reveals a comparative mindset where self-worth is tied to what others have or achieve. It shows that the individual measures their own value against external standards.

Visible Behaviors

Visible behaviors such as the volume of one’s voice, body language, and handwriting can reveal a person’s sense of esteem and whether they rely on external validation to feel good enough and are experiencing stress.


  • Fear of being found out or looking silly: Fear of exposure or embarrassment suggests deep insecurity. They may worry that others will judge them harshly, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
  • Doesn’t have an opinion: Avoiding opinions shows a fear of being judged for one’s thoughts or preferences. They rely on others’ opinions to feel secure or accepted.
  • Obnoxiously opinionated: Being overly opinionated can be a defense mechanism to cover insecurity. The individual may feel the need to assert dominance in conversations to avoid feeling vulnerable.
  • Pleasing others: Chronic people-pleasing stems from a deep need for approval. The individual’s sense of worth is tied to making others happy, often at the expense of their own needs or desires.

Speaking Loudly

Those who speak too loudly, take up excessive space, or constantly seek validation may be attempting to compensate for feelings of inadequacy.

On the other hand, those who shy away from attention, speak softly, or put themselves down often rely on others’ opinions to define their worth. 

Here’s an analysis of how these behaviors are linked to other-dependent esteem and an imaginary tiger stress response:

  • Speaks with a loud voice (too loud and wants to attract attention): Speaking too loudly can signal an exaggerated need for attention. It reflects a person’s insecurity about being heard or valued unless they are the center of attention. By raising their volume, they attempt to secure acknowledgment and validation from others.
  • Obnoxious and big (physically takes up everyone’s space): Taking up excessive space can be a way to assert dominance or demand attention. This behavior often masks insecurity, as the person seeks to compensate for feelings of inadequacy by forcing others to "see them."
  • Over-the-top, huge handwriting: Large, exaggerated handwriting can indicate a need to stand out or be seen as important. This may reflect a desire for recognition and validation, as the person tries to project confidence or superiority, even when they don’t feel it internally.
  • The "know-it-all" (has to let you know that they know): Know-it-all behavior stems from a need to prove worth by showcasing knowledge. The individual often relies on others' acknowledgment of their intelligence to feel good about themselves, suggesting insecurity about who they are. They will soon need more validation because it doesn't last very long.
  • Soft, inaudible voice (can't be heard): Speaking in a quiet, barely audible voice often suggests a fear of judgment or a desire to avoid being noticed. The individual may feel unworthy of taking up space or having their opinions heard, relying on others to determine their value.
  • Shy and invisible (physically doesn’t take up much space): This behavior reflects a desire to avoid attention or conflict, often due to a fear of disapproval or rejection. By making themselves physically smaller, the individual may be signaling that they don’t feel worthy of being seen or taking up space.
  • Tiny, tiny handwriting: Extremely small handwriting often reflects a lack of confidence or a desire to be unnoticed. The individual may feel that their voice or presence is insignificant, showing their reliance on others to determine their worth.

Need To Be Acknowledged

These visible actions may reflect a deep need to be acknowledged, approved of, or unnoticed, depending on how a person perceives themselves in relation to others.

Recognizing these patterns allows individuals to work on building self-dependent esteem and avoiding stress that comes from the inside out instead of from the outside in.

  • Makes others wrong to be right: Constantly proving others wrong is a defense mechanism to maintain superiority. This behavior reflects insecurity, as the person gets their self-worth from feeling "right" and superior to others.
  • Justifies what they do or have done (need to justify): The need to justify one’s actions indicates a fear of judgment. By explaining or defending their choices, the individual seeks approval or acceptance, showing that their sense of self-worth is dependent on external validation.
  • Put-downs about self: Self-disapproving comments often signal other-dependent esteem and a need for reassurance. The individual may use put-downs to prevent criticism from others or to get validation from others that they are, in fact, worthy.
  • Hints for validation: Subtle hints for validation, such as fishing for compliments or approval, reflect insecurity. The individual is often seeking reassurance from others to feel confident or valued.
  • Need for validation: Constantly needing validation from others reveals a lack of self-dependent esteem. The individual may feel uncertain or insecure unless their value is confirmed by external sources, such as praise or acknowledgment.
  • Lot of eye movement: Excessive eye movement can be a sign of anxiety or discomfort, often linked to a fear of judgment. The individual may be seeking cues from others to gauge how they’re thinking about them, indicating reliance on external feedback for self-worth.
  • Dumbing down: Intentionally downplaying one’s intelligence or abilities to fit in or avoid standing out reflects insecurity. The person may fear rejection or judgment if they appear too smart or capable, relying on others’ approval to feel secure.
Made The Shift

From Other-Dependent To Self-Dependent Esteem

Words and visible body language say a lot about how we see ourselves.

Recognizing these words and visible behaviors helps to address and shift away from the need for validation from external sources and move toward seeing ourselves as good enough and worthy from the inside out.

The goal is to shift from other-dependent esteem to self-dependent esteem to avoid stress.